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31

When I hit 30, it was no biggie.  Everyone makes a big deal about 30.  I never got it.  I wasn't sad or filled with woe and agony.  I enjoyed turning 30.  There were a couple reasons for this...

A)  I wasn't going to be a 20 something anymore!  Nowadays, most people categorize 20-somethings as older teenagers.

  I have never really been known to "act my age."  I despised being lumped into the "oh they are just 20-something kids" category. 

B)  I had a reason to have a birthday party.  When you grow up, people think you are a weirdo if you have parties for any birthday other than the 10s. (30, 40, 50, etc.) That stinks.  I like to celebrate that I'm still alive.

C)  Did I mention I was glad to get away from being called a 20-something? ;o)

Today I turn 31.  I am happy that God has blessed me with another year. God has blessed me with an amazing husband, a spirited and gentle hearted son, a family that loves me, and wonderful friends.  I get to enjoy life at home with my kiddo everyday. I have never had any major illnesses or diseases besides my infertility. I have the privilege of praising Jesus in a church home that I adore.  I truly am very blessed.

I am, however, in a mild state of chagrin. I get the 30 thing now.

 When we are younger, we have this picture of what we would like to happen by the time we are 30.  30 is that magic number we think will bring about smooth sailing because we have spent our time in our 20s "figuring it out."

Guess what. Smooth sailing is something that only happens, WHEN YOU ARE SAILING! In life, there is no smooth sailing.  Life gets choppy.  The wind whips and tosses the waves.  The currents shift. There are rogue waves; giant breaks in the water when it seems like the ocean is finally calm.

Unfortunately, I didn't really "figure out" much of what I was supposed to in my 20s.  Now that I am going to be really IN my 30s, I feel like there is a lot I let myself down on.  There were so many goals and dreams I had that are either no longer plausible or seem so out of reach at the moment.  So, I've given myself some time to grieve the loss of a few dreams and goals.  Today has not been the greatest day.  I woke up feeling all of this and the day went down hill from there.  So, I had yesterday and most of the day today to be sad.  Now, it stops.

When I started this blog entry, I wasn't sure where I was going with it.  In writing it, God has revealed another 31 to me.  Proverbs 31.  Specifically, Proverbs 31:10-31, The Woman Who Fears the Lord.

This is the woman I long to be deep in my soul.  Looking back on all of my lofty goals and ambitions that I wanted to reach by my 30s, well, I can now see that this is what I was really going for.  My heart's desire is to be this type of woman.  I was just trying to make it happen on my own. 

So, here's my plan.  I am putting aside the list of things that I want to happen by the time I am 40.  It's really out of my control anyway.  I have one thing on my list.  Be more like the Proverbs 31 woman.  Show honor and grace to my husband.  Remain faithful. Work hard.  Give more.  Fear less.  Teach kindness and a gentle spirit to my son.  Be strong and stand tall in Christ. Laugh more. 
I'm certain that this is the only goal worth achieving anyway.  All of that other stuff? Well, Christ will open those doors for me when it's time.  As far as for now, I think I will make Proverbs 31:25 my focus. "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come."  It's time to start laughing.

A burlap-y breeze!

I love crafting.  I love the thrill of taking random supplies and putting them together to make something useful and unique.  I have not had a lot of time to craft lately so I was getting antsy.  Last night, I couldn't take it any longer!  Since I am currently in love with all things burlap,  I took about 20 minutes and made a new wreath out of burlap for my front door.  Here are the supplies....

The gray tube thing is half the length of a section of pipe insulation I got at Home Depot.  The whole thing cost somewhere around $0.90 so cost for this portion is approx. $0.45. (That's math! :) ) Obviously, the duck tape and scissors were just laying around the house so, I count those as free.  The burlap was $1.50 for half a yard.  My final project cost, around $2.00!  My wreath turned out super cute!  I added an old rustic ornament to the middle to finish it off.  Here is my finished project...







Restless

There is a song stuck in my head.  Give it a listen and then come back here to let me tell you why...

Isn't that a great song.  Did you catch the words?

"I'm restless till I rest in you."

I don't know about you but, I struggle with being restless. When things in my life aren't going the way I think they should.  When my world turns upside down.  When I don't have a plan.  I try to pick all my worries up, load them into a pack with all my fears, insecurities, and failures and carry them on my back. I try to fix things by myself.  I try to come up with my own plans. 

Doing this is like packing around a bag full of bowling balls.  They weigh me down. They crush me. Still, I try to carry them alone, never asking for help.  Eventually they become too much to bear.  I become hurt, frustrated that I can't do it alone.  I am forced to my knees.  In desperation, I cry out for help and repent for not asking sooner.

Wouldn't it be nice to cut out the middle?

Right now, I am restless.  There is a lot going on in our lives.  My flesh wants to plan, panic, pack up my bowling balls and try to start running.  My spirit is craving something different.  REST. Rest in Christ. I have to trust His promises for our future, knowing that He will provide for Josh's job changes and our finances. I have to choose to fill my cravings with Him and His word instead of food, facebook, etc. I must lean on His strength when I can't find it in me to want to put in the effort for bettering myself physically and spiritually. When I am at my weakest, I must say,

"Still my heart.  Hold me close.  Let me hear a still small voice. Let it grow. Let it rise, into a shout, into a cry!"

Jesus is offering to carry my sack full of bowling balls.  I just have to let Him.  Then, I can rest and trust that He has it all under control for me.

Shiny new gadgets

If any of you out there are paying attention to my blog, you may notice a couple of new things at the top.  I have added a couple of tickers to the top of the blog for sharing my progress.

The first ticker is for my overall progress.  It shows my starting weight (eep! I had a hard time actually putting that out there in the open!), my current weight, and my goal weight.

The second one is my ticker from www.myfitnesspal.com.  On this ticker, I am tracking my mini goal accomplishments.  I have set mini goals for each 10 lbs that I lose with a reward at each goal met. 

The picture in the background of this ticker is representative of my next reward.  I find that seeing that picture each day keeps me motivated and reminds me that my next mini goal is not far away.  You will notice that, right now, it is a massage bed.  That is because my 20lb reward is a massage. Yay.  I am 1.2 annoying pounds away from that goal.

Just in case you are wondering, my 10 lb reward to myself was purple highlights.  I love them.

Glad to be Mad

Since I haven't blogged much on my weight loss journey lately, I will give you a quick run down.  For the past several months I have been logging calories on a site called www.myfitnesspal.com.  It really has been an invaluable asset to me.  The site recommends a calorie goal for each day based on my height, weight, and how many pounds I would like to lose per week (1, 1.5, or 2).  I have been following the plan for 1 lb per week and have seen consistent loss.  This, of course, is not counting the month and a half during the holidays that I decided to sabotage myself.  Up until this week, I had not added consistent exercise to the mix. My progress so far is a loss of 18.8 lbs.

This past week, I decided to change my loss goal to 1.5 lbs/wk, which lowered my calorie goal daily.  I have stayed below goal each day.  I have exercised on a regular basis.  I have generally had one of my best weeks of being on target.  I weighed in this morning.  I gained .4 lbs.

I am mad.

Before I go further, let me say, I think I know what my problem was this week.  My sodium intake this week was way too high.  My water intake was way too low.  Flo is on her way to visit and my anxiety this week has been through the roof because of some stressful life events.  I know how all of these factors affect my body personally.  Frankly, I'm surprised the scale wasn't much higher. 

In the past, I would have gotten discouraged by this stall in loss.  I would have said forget it for a day, week, month, 6 months.  I would have gone for some deep fried comfort and then followed it up with excessive amounts of sugar coated sugar. 

Today, I am mad.

I'm not mad at myself.  Am I disappointed that I could have controlled my sodium intake? Sure.  I am choosing to learn from that. I am not going to beat myself up for something in the past.  I am going to use it to change the future.  I'm not mad at circumstances.  Flo is a regular part of my life.  I will just have to learn to look past her side effects.

I am mad in the sense that, I am fired up. I want to do better. I want to see progress. I want to be serious.

I am glad to be mad because it indicates a change in me.  I'm stronger and I didn't even know it.  I'm not feeling defeated and depressed as I used to.  I'm feeling empowered to do better because I know I can. That's a really new feeling to me.  Even through the loss I have had so far, I have not felt this empowered.

Despite the number on the scale, I'm calling this a successful week.  God has opened my eyes to the possibility of being something more if I'm willing.  That's a pretty good feeling.

Goals that are decidely not resolutions

As any good procrastinator would, I have waited until Jan 4 to start thinking about what my resolutions for the new year should be. That is, if I were the type to make resolutions.  I like to think that I'm not that type.  In reality, I am.  My point really is that I make resolutions but I prefer to call them something else so I don't seem quite so traditionally set up for failure.
Now that I have made that as clear as mud, here is my list of goals that are not resolutions for 2012.

**Get organized.
I really want to work on decluttering our home and lives. This is harder for me than it sounds because of the next one.

**Work on expecting less perfection.
I am a perfectionist who gets hung up on the, "if you can't do it right, don't do it" philosophy.  Unfortunately, I rarely have time to "do it right" so, I just don't do.  That is unhealthy.

**Be more intentional about showing grace and love to my spouse and son.
I can admit, many times I fall short.

**Live on a budget and envelope system.
This one is going to be a tough one for me cause I am a tool when it comes to our finances.  I know we can do it though!

**Give myself some time but not too much.
I have to make some time to read, blog, etc. without feeling guilty for doing so.  I also have to be careful to realize that I have work to do!

**Send thank you cards and fill out that baby book!
I make this resolu..I mean..um..goal every year and never follow through!  Fingers crossed that this is the year! L is 3 and has an almost empty baby book! lol!

**Live life more intentionally.
I think this is so all encompasing, there is not much else I can say about it.

Okay, I have to go now.  It's time for me to follow through with the final resolution, I mean GOAL.

**COOK DINNER AT HOME!

Love ya peeps. I raise my sparkling cider to a fabulous 2012 for us both!